Let’s just take a minute to acknowledge that if you are looking for a therapist, chances are you have been dealing with something really difficult. It’s also likely that you have felt that something wasn’t right for a while – maybe a long while – and you’ve tried many things on your own to cope or restore your sense of balance. It’s fair to say that those who are looking for help are feeling pretty vulnerable, and that the very act of having to make a decision about who might be a good fit to help is in itself confusing, intimidating, and sometimes even discouraging if it doesn’t go as hoped.
In my own experience, it can be difficult to make a choice when presented with a lot of options. In fact, there is a fair amount of research to suggest that the more options we have, the less satisfied we tend to be with what we eventually settle on.
So when a person decides to look for some help among the variety of options available where does one even begin?
First, it might help to really break down what you are struggling with and what you want to achieve. Many therapists (like myself) are generalists – we have experience in many domains, but wouldn’t seek to position ourselves as experts on any particular subject.
As a generalist, I can support a broad range of issues from anxiety, depression, grief and loss, relationships and family related issues, in addition to those often faced in the LGBTQ2S community. As much of my early career in the public health sector was focused on treating addiction – with an emphasis on teenage and young adult populations – these are areas where I feel particularly well-versed.
What might be of additional importance, however, is the acuity of your concern. When I say acuity, I’m referred to the extent or severity of your particular struggle. For example, if your anxiety is so severe that you are having difficulty leaving the home, or you are dealing with symptoms associated with severe obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) such that your life is significantly disrupted, these may be issues that are better-suited to a therapist with some specialization in these areas. Another example is the treatment of trauma, such as sexual abuse or violence. As therapy for such issues can often activate powerful physiological, emotional and psychological experiences, it is valuable to have someone highly experienced and attuned to the individual seeking support.
In other words, if the challenges you are dealing with are severe or nuanced, it might be the case that you should focus your search on professionals who identify some specialization in the area you are struggling with. Unfortunately, this search may be a bit confusing as some therapists often promote themselves as being competent in many, if not all domains. While it is not my intention to cast doubt on the competency of fellow therapists, I am concerned that this can make it difficult to find the professional who may be highly skilled (as opposed to decently skilled) in a particular area of interest.
As a therapist, being clear about one’s competency should not just be seen to be of value to a client, but as a foundational ethical practice. So I try to be very clear with anyone who asks me to provide a service that I might not be suited to treat. This may involve some clarification on my part to ensure that I am a sensible choice to support someone – and can lead to greater satisfaction with therapy because I am more-likely to be helpful to those in my care.
Perhaps most-importantly however, is the quality of the relationship you have with your therapist. There is ample research to date that suggests the greatest predictor of positive outcomes as a result of therapy can be attributed to a person’s sense of connection to their therapist. To quote a mentor of mine, a relational injury can only be healed through relationship. Hence, a betrayal of trust, the victim of domestic abuse or bullying at school, are all examples of social injuries that are best treated in the context of a therapeutic and compassionate relationship.
In his TEDx talk, Gordon Neufeld makes the point nicely. He notes that upon the commencement of a new school year, parents are most-reassured not by the educational credentials of their child’s teacher, but by the sense of warmth and connection they have with their students.
At this point you might ask, if I don’t feel that close to my therapist, can therapy still be helpful? In short, the answer can absolutely can be – yes! However, it is likely that the best gains will result from a therapist who makes you feel valued and understood, while at the same time supporting you by virtue of their technical experience and training.
Tips to find the right therapist for you:
- As the therapeutic relationship is so important, it can be helpful to ask the therapist you are interested in working with a few initial questions up front prior to booking with them. This could include soliciting some information about their theoretical orientation, the range of issues they typically work with, and areas of specialization. You might have an idea of their personality or your sense of connection with them after a quick call. Please note, however, that many therapists are very busy with sessions, documentation, scheduling and other administrative tasks, so it may be the case that they are more personable in session where they are most-likely to prioritize their effort and time – as this is where they can have the most impact.
- Ask for a little clarification to see if the therapist feels competent/prepared to handle your particular issue – this might be particularly important if your struggle is a bit more nuanced or uncommon.
- If you have friends/family/co-workers whose opinion you value, ask if they know someone.
- Before committing to therapy, try to get a sense of how frequently you can get in to see the therapist you are interested in. I’m a big believer in therapeutic momentum – we often get back on our feet more quickly if we can keep building on our progress by attending a few initial sessions in a relatively short time period (such as 2-3 sessions in a month, as opposed to 2-3 sessions in three months). Unfortunately, some therapists can be a victim of their own success; because they are so busy they may not be able to see you as soon as you’d like after your initial appointment, making it a bit trickier to build this initial momentum. Please consider what you feel you need, and honour this by finding a therapist can meet the availability that you think is right for you. If you aren’t sure – talk to the potential therapist about what this might look like in advance!